I don’t mean to be rude, but…

A few hints that might help us, my co-worker/distant acquaintance/fellow bus rider, get along better during my pregnancy:

1) If you weren’t there when the baby was made, your opinion is not requested regarding: whether it was planned, the child’s name, my desire for an epidural, my choice to learn its gender in advance, how much weight I’ve gained, and/or whether I’m leaking anywhere strange. And for the record, all leaking would qualify as strange.

2) Unless your delivery was 4-hours or less let’s not go over the details.

3) My pregnancy does not mean I have developed an interest in your general gynecological health. As a result it’s okay if you don’t tell me about that unusual surgery you had in the 80’s. I previously didn’t even know there was such a surgery, and I was fine with that.

4) Please stop warning me that I won’t be able to laugh without peeing after my baby comes. I plan on having a hilarious child and this threat really puts a damper on things.

5) Kegel exercises are not office talk. Ever.

6) I don’t care that you skiied, skydived, rode the mechanical bull, drank boilermakers, smoked crack, or did anything else during your pregnancy and your baby turned out fine, I am still going to pass on sushi and bike riding for a bit here. If we stipulate that you win, can you please stop competing?

(this post was politely blog-jacked from DotComMom – I related to it too much to not repost on my blog!)