I’ve been thinking
I’ve been thinking (I know…shocking, isn’t it?) … I think I know why I seem to think that I’m pregnant every cycle…
ready?
…it’s because I need to have some sort of happy-fluffy-bunny thoughts to get me through each painfully horrible cycle. Otherwise, I would probably just throw in the towel… and actually accept that I will have no children of my own.
And so I convince mysef, month after month, that this is THE month. That I’ll finally be be pregnant with a STICKY baby. That I’ll get past that horrible 6 week hurdle I seem to have so much trouble with. That I’ll be blissfully pregnant for the next 40 weeks and have a wonderful, healthy baby to hold when it’s all over.
Some people have said that I’m arrogant, or conceited because of this. I disagree. I’m merely placing hope where there is little to be found. Infertility has pretty much robbed me of my faith that life will turn out the way I had expected it to…. and so I try to have just a glimmer of hope. I think I owe myself that much.
Not sure if this post makes sense to anyone but me…. but there you have it.
Its makes complete sense. It does NOT make you arrogant or conceited.
Erin,
Wish I knew how to use “special effects” to make this comment more powerful, and passionate. All I can do is CAPITALIZE…Bah! Anyways,…
Makes total sense! This SHOULD be your thought pattern. If it wasn’t, THEN I would think it strange. When I was trying for my little, wonderful guy, I was pregnant every cycle! Nothing strange about ANYTHING you’re doing! Believe dat! This is TOO normal!
Peace,
Brooke
P.S. When “Punkin” is getting into everything, and #two, or three is “on the way”, this will all seem like ancient history. You’re brave, and strong!
Shouldn’t have to explain yourself on your own blog. NO conceit in noticing, and explaining the changes in your body.
Hi Erin
I’m late in commenting on this post, but I’ve been having such problems with my browser. And my blog! Ugh. I just wanted to say that I find you so very brave. I am such a ninny that I’m too scared to even hope or even think that I *might* be pregnant, because I’m so scared of the disappointment that follows.
Your way, if it works for you, should be the way YOU do it. Either way, you have someone on the other side fo the planet rooting for you!